


The Pinprick at the Back of Your Head

by asuralucier



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: All the Rom com Tropes, F/M, Hooker AU with a twist, I needed something to help me feel happy so I wrote this, M/M, sarcasm everywhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 13:01:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16388207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asuralucier/pseuds/asuralucier
Summary: “So um, I guess I should tell you I’m quitting.” Erwin said as he shrugged on his shirt. As his skin disappeared beneath the neatly pressed fabric, so did Levi’s hopes and dreams. Actually no, but he would be kidding himself if he wasn’t disappointed. “I’m getting married, at the end of the month.”“You what?”Or: the Eruri hooker-with-a-zesty-twist AU that you never knew you wanted -- the one where Erwin quits sex work and his favorite Thursday customer Levi is forced to confront scary things on his own...like feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

For the last three years, Levi looked forward to his Thursdays, where he had a room waiting for him at a middling, exceedingly average hotel booked under the name Ackerman. It wasn’t always the same hotel every time, but the buildings nearly always looked the same and there was always a convenience store or a greasy takeaway within walking distance that were fit for purpose since Levi disliked calling for room service. He liked hotels for their anonymity but he hated the unpredictability of hotel staff. As part of the arrangement, Levi would arrive about five minutes after he was scheduled to, ask for the key at the front desk and go straight to the room as to not waste any time. 

He’d been embarrassed the first time he’d done it, there was no way around that. In fact, he’d been so nervous about the whole thing and Erwin had suggested they dress and go bowling instead. 

“Is that a euphemism?” Levi had intoned flatly. “You want to score a strike with me? Because you know, I’ve already kind of struck out.” 

Erwin, perfect Erwin with his perfect hair and perfect nose and perfect abs and everything else, had simply laughed. “No, I actually mean bowling. With a ball, singular, and pins. There’s an alley around here and maybe if you get to know me, maybe we can fuck and you won’t have to feel nervous.” 

“But it won’t be like a date.” 

“You’ll still have to pay me for my time,” said Erwin. “And maybe buy me a coke. It’s whatever you want it to be.” 

 

“Oh,” Levi grunted as he dug his fingers into Erwin’s thigh. “Fuck. Yeah. Fuck.” There was something about Erwin’s dick. It was large and full inside him and Levi arched to fill himself up with it as much as possible as he came all over his hand. In the hazy aftermath of his orgasm, Levi registered the shallower thrusts of Erwin’s hips and the heat of the man’s breath against the crook his shoulder. 

“Are you --” 

“Yeah,” Erwin said. “I am. I can --” 

“Come,” Levi said, twisting his neck around to look. “You can come. You’re wrapped up, it doesn’t matter.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Levi’s vantage point was hardly ideal, as these sorts of things went, but there was something else, about Erwin putting the whole of himself into the exercise of his climax. Something about the way his head swelled and the way he sucked at Levi’s neck, all the way up to his earlobe and then gave a hard little grunt.

“Good?” 

“I.” A steep inhale, “Yeah, I might -- let’s move towards the bed, okay?” 

Erwin might have said “move towards the bed” like it was something easily done, in reality, it was something difficult and stupid and when they finally did both collapse on the bed, Erwin reached out a hand to brush back Levi’s hair. “...Didn’t think we could make it.” 

“We could have just collapsed on the floor and started over,” said Levi. “I wouldn’t have minded that.” 

“I’d at least clean you up first, properly.” Erwin’s gaze shifted towards Levi’s hand, the one that still had come on it. “Would you be able to go again?” 

“I’m not the one that gets to fuck every day. Yeah, I probably could,” Levi said. It used to bother him, the fact that Erwin saw other people on other days, maybe. But three years was a long time and no matter what Levi thought about it, Erwin was probably still going to fuck other people and so it was probably better that Levi stopped thinking about that sort of thing entirely. 

But it didn’t stop him from making a joke now and then and Levi didn’t think Erwin minded. 

“There’s always Sinistera,” Erwin flexed his fingers.

“Who?”

“Your left hand,” Erwin said. “Anyway. I’ll get you a towel.” 

Levi admired Erwin’s ass as the other man disappeared briefly into the ensuite toilet. Erwin had a great ass. He apparently could bench press a shit ton and it showed. 

The towel that Erwin handled Levi was damp on one end and dry on the other. As Levi cleaned his hand and then the rest of himself, Erwin got dressed. For a vocation which was deeply mixed up with taking one’s clothes off, Levi was always pleased to see that Erwin still took good care of his clothes, wore matching socks (this was a pet peeve of Levi’s and though he’d never seen Erwin wear a pair of mismatched socks, he had still thought to tell him the first time, while they’d gone bowling) and was generally well-kept. Erwin had a few outfits that Levi had grown fond of, in a funny way, but most of the time, he preferred the guy stripped down. Erwin seemed happy enough to oblige. 

“So um, I guess I should tell you I’m quitting.” Erwin said as he shrugged on his shirt. As his skin disappeared beneath the neatly pressed fabric, so did Levi’s hopes and dreams. Actually no, but he would be kidding himself if he wasn’t disappointed. “I’m getting married, at the end of the month.”

“You what?”

Erwin did up the last button on his shirt and smoothed a hand over his collar, “I’m quitting.” He said again, and then added, “...Are you okay?” 

“I’m,” Levi felt thwacked by that entire sentence. Or two sentences. That was definitely two sentences, two sentences with entirely too much information, “I’m sorry, you’re what? Getting married?” 

“Hanji is nearly done with her residency,” Erwin said. “We might move, so.” Then he shook himself and sat down at the edge of the bed. “Sorry, Let’s start over. I’m quitting the agency, so I have to inform the people I see regularly -- if you want, I can recommend you someone and we can work out any kinks while I’m still around. There are a few people that just started with us a few months ago, that I think would be good for your needs.” 

“My...needs.” Levi supposed that was one way to think about it. Sex -- that is, fucking -- was definitely a need. Some people went crazy without it and there were entire websites and even mobile apps dedicated to helping people fuck. Erwin’s “agency” was a website that categorized people into things like “blond(e),” “muscled,” “6’0"+” and “versatile.” Levi had selected, along with those options, more practical and boring things like “ Flexible Availability" and "Condoms Mandatory" to name a few. “...Which are, what?” 

“Well, you’re…” Erwin trailed off. “Do you really want me to say?” 

“I’m a big boy.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Erwin said. “I was just going to say that you’re maybe a bit shy, slow to open up, so maybe I might need to vet guys on the basis of whether they enjoy bowling. The sex bit is easy if you think about it.” 

“Hey, don’t you pigeon hole me,” said Levi, who didn't particularly want to think about how easy (the) sex (bit) was. Those two words made everything even worse, “I play a mean game of pool.” 

Erwin laughed. He didn’t laugh often but Levi secretly (or not so secretly) liked it when he did. It lightened up the man’s face, took years off. 

“Or I could just date.” 

“Or you could just date,” Erwin agreed. “We’re not that bad, promise. We meaning people. I like to be inclusive.” 

“I work like eighty hours a week,” said Levi. “And I hate Grindr.” 

“Maybe you can find someone else that works eighty hours a week,” Erwin suggested amiably. “I think Hanji works about that much. Or maybe it’s closer to ninety, it’s so up there I don’t really keep track. I feel you on Grindr, though.” 

Levi scoured the other man’s face to try to figure out whether or not he was kidding. He realized he couldn’t figure it one way or the other and gave up, “...Do you want to go bowling? Old time’s sake?”


	2. Chapter 2

Erwin fixed Levi with a long look; the look was lingering and intense enough to make Levi want to fidget, “Okay, if that’s what you want, we can go bowling.” 

They left the hotel in the usual way. Levi first, and then Erwin about ten minutes later. Erwin once explained to him that it wasn’t a big deal, and yes, he did see a few people who were a bit high profile and that he respected his clients and valued their privacy. Trouble was, after he’d done that, Levi couldn’t watch the news without wondering if Erwin was secretly blowing the weatherman on Wednesdays. 

Then he’d gotten over it, like a fucking adult. 

Erwin wasn’t particularly good at bowling. He’d guttered several times, then he’d hit a spade three times running. 

Levi, on the other hand, was modestly “not bad” at bowling, which was to say “pretty good” and at the height of his hermithood he’d signed up for a local bowling league held twice a month at the alley. Then he’d stopped going. He was the youngest person there by about twenty years and he knew he was in trouble when Maria, one of the ladies who was always trying to get him to take home some of her casserole, asked him if he’d liked to be introduced to her niece. The casserole was one thing, the idea of getting a date from what was possibly the saddest hobby in the world was another thing entirely. 

“Levi.” 

“Huh?” 

Erwin had come back from his turn and took a seat next to him in a slightly wobbly plastic chair. Their knees touched, like it was no big deal. “Your go.” 

“Oh.” 

“Come on. I’ll even check out your ass when you bend over.” 

“...Do you do that?” Levi felt a bit of color rush to his cheeks. He hoped to God it wasn’t obvious. 

“Check you out? Sure, sometimes.” One side of Erwin’s mouth lifted, like a smirk. But Erwin was too nice to smirk. 

“I mean -- wow?” As soon as the words had left his mouth, Levi had cringed and wished he could take it back. He should have come back with something snappy and light, to show that this wasn’t a big deal. It certainly wasn’t a big deal to Erwin, who was sitting here probably doing something that he didn’t care too much about, but at the same time he was playing his pretty part and apparently felt sorry enough for Levi to throw him a bone. Checking him out one last time for old time’s sake. 

“...Why do you look so surprised?” 

Levi shook himself, “I just. I don’t know. Didn’t think --” saying what he was about to was another mistake but this was turning out to be a hell of a day anyway. “ -- Didn’t think I was your type.” Levi also didn’t have to think that he wasn’t. He knew he wasn’t, on account of Erwin’s sudden engagement. No, that wasn’t right either, the way Erwin spoke about it, he might have even been engaged for years -- way before Levi was ever in the picture. Not that Levi was thinking any way in particular, he was just -- “Never mind, can we forget I said that?” 

Erwin was fixing him with that look again, a gaze that made Levi wanted to melt away into a puddle. 

Levi stood, “Never mind, I’m going to have my go.” 

His bowl didn’t go very well, on account of the fact that Levi was suddenly afraid to bend over. When he took his seat beside Erwin again, the man was sipping his coke. 

Erwin said, “Can I ask you a question?” 

Levi shrugged, “Can’t hurt.” 

Over the years, Levi had asked Erwin a handful of questions. Mostly incidental ones, like if he had plans for the coming weekend. Erwin had been mostly forthcoming about his plans. His plans in the past had included driving around to find a particular Mexican food truck (which, by some act of kismet, sometimes drove around the block near Levi’s work), or listening to his favorite funk band that did amazing basslines while he went to the gym. Erwin, contrary to popular (read: Levi’s) assumptions, did not go to the gym every day. Only sometimes, on weekends. 

Erwin never once mentioned a girlfriend and again, popular assumptions assumed he simply didn’t have one. It just didn’t make sense. 

“How old are you?” 

Levi blinked, “Me? Thirty-three.” The idea of lying did come into his head, only briefly, and then left. It was almost funny, if the exercise wasn’t so damn humiliating, that Erwin knew his way around Levi’s dick and Levi’s prostate and even had access to Levi’s blood type (“in case of emergencies”) and his credit card. But Erwin didn’t know how old he was. 

“Really?” This time, Erwin actually looked surprised instead of just acting like it. “I’d have thought you were just.”

“If you say eighteen or something stupid like that, I will kill you.” 

“I wasn’t, honest.” Erwin put up his hands. “But maybe I do have a type. Hanji’s thirty-three.” 

“And you’re what? I don’t understand.” 

“Almost thirty,” Erwin said. “My birthday’s next week.” 

“I. Oh.” Levi didn’t have a comeback for that, so he waited a moment and said, “Happy birthday.” 

“It’s not a big deal,” Erwin shrugged. “At least, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, anyway.” 

“You should,” Levi said. “You’re not thirty every day.” 

Erwin peered at him and before Levi thought too much about it, he reached to brush a stray strand of hair out of Erwin’s face. Erwin still didn’t tell him not to, and still, this whole thing felt vaguely unnatural. Instead, Erwin said, “...You don’t expect me to believe that _you_ had a big birthday blowout.” 

“I’m not a grinch about everything,” said Levi, feeling the odd need to defend himself. “There’s plenty that you don’t know about me, too.” The ‘too,’ felt important, and yet he found himself wishing that he hadn’t tacked it on. It sounded argumentative and unfriendly. Before he dwelled too much on it, he pushed on. “But I did, kind of. Have a blowout. It wasn’t exactly my choice.” 

Erwin made a sound that was halfway agreeable and more worringly, halfway something something else that Levi couldn’t puzzle out (again). “...Did you enjoy it?” 

Levi had to think about it, “In retrospect. We went skiing. We meaning a bunch of friends.” 

“Too bad,” Erwin parried. “Here I was, crossing my fingers that you had a hot date.” 

“You wish.” 

“I think you sell yourself short, that’s all,” Erwin shrugged. “I mean, the terrible nature of Grindr aside.” 

From somewhere, a phone buzzed. Levi reached for his jacket as Erwin reached to rummage in his own pockets. “ -- I have to take this, sorry.” 

“Sure.” 

 

Levi watched as Erwin strode towards the bar for some privacy. If someone was ringing him this late in the evening, it was either work, or his girlfriend. Levi didn’t know which one he preferred. For something to do, he went and had the rest of their bowls. There was only a few left and by this point, he was pretty sure that bowling was a metaphor for...something. 

“...You finished,” said Erwin, glancing up at the scoreboard. 

“I even let you win,” Levi said, then cringed. It sounded better in his head. “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, all fine,” Erwin shrugged. “Just Hanji. She wanted to remind me to feed the dog.” 

“You have a dog?” 

“She has a dog,” Erwin said, and the correction didn’t pass Levi by. “Berner dislikes me. I can just about manage to ply him with food.” 

“What a life,” said Levi, with feeling. “Look um. She’s got timing because I. I should probably get going, too. It’s Petra’s night to cook and she gets annoyed if we’re not all there on time.” 

“Petra?” 

“My cousin,” Levi’s mouth quirked in spite of himself. “Not a hot date.” 

“Good,” Erwin leaned in and kissed his temple in a way that didn’t feel entirely professional. “I was hoping to see you next week.” 

“I don’t want to see you if you’re going to get mauled by a dog,” said Levi, just about keeping himself together. "Imagine how messy that would be." 

“My heart’s breaking already,” Erwin said. “See you next week.”


	3. Chapter 3

When Levi got home, Petra was just about done with setting the table and she was giving him one of those looks. It was one of those famous looks that said ‘I should probably judge you but I guess I’ll be nice. You can thank me later.’ Levi managed to duck out of her peripheral line of sight, just about and went to hang up his coat. 

Petra was the baby of the family and Levi had the feeling that Petra had popped out at exactly the right time, to look at what a _mess_ everyone was, and decided from day one that she wasn’t going to be like that. And she wasn’t. Petra was in her last year of nursing school and she always seemed busy, but she still managed three nights a week to make everyone dinner. And it wasn’t shitty dinner either. Petra’s dinners were meticulous and involved. Usually, there was an adventurous protein (last Wednesday they’d had boar casserole) and sides that required her to do at least one other thing in addition to simply boiling greens to death. 

Everyone, in this case, meant Levi, her boyfriend Auruo, who Petra was too good for and the kid fucking knew it, and Erd, who was recently divorced and sleeping on the couch in the living room. Erd had promised that he’d be out by the end of the week, but sometimes he still broke down in the bathroom and had to be plied with the nice whiskey that Levi kept in his closet buried behind his nice shirts, which Levi ironed himself. Anyway, it didn’t seem like Erd was quite ready to leave Levi’s couch. 

“You look like somebody died,” Petra said. “Everything okay? Don’t tell me, Erwin gave you syphilis.” 

Levi fixed her with a baleful look, “Erwin did _not_ give me syphilis.” He could have told her it was bad manners to joke about anyone’s sexual health, but she knew that. “...But he.” Before Levi finished his sentence, he caught himself. 

Petra said, “What? Now you have to tell me.” 

“Actually, I don’t.” 

“Levi,” Petra glittered. “ _Tell_ me.” 

Levi’s mouth itched for a cigarette. He was recently trying to quit, but still had a craving every now and then. He went and checked his pockets, only to come up empty. Erd smoked now and then, Levi made a note to root around in the guy’s stuff, but later. 

“Or else?” 

“Come on, I know you see an escort once a week. It can’t be any worse, since you said it wasn’t syphilis. Just tell me.” 

“Fucking hell,” Levi went through to the kitchen and was relieved to see that there was still a splash of Chardonnay in a bottle. He uncapped the bottle and took a swig. At the very least, Petra probably deserved all the points for “...He’s quit.” 

“Because?” 

“He’s...getting married.” 

“No way.” 

“Way,” Levi glared darkly at the wine bottle. He disliked white wine but tried his damned hardest not to have whiskey until a sensible hour after dinner. 

Petra said, “ _Married_. Since when?” 

“Since I don’t know and I don’t give a fuck,” Levi slogged down the first of the wine and tossed the bottle in recycling. “Apparently his girlfriend’s some hot shot doctor finishing up residency. She owns a dog.” 

“Maybe I know her,” said Petra. 

“Do you know a Hanji?” It didn’t sound like a particularly common name, but Levi never cared about these things. He also knew it was a bad idea to let Petra in on so much pertinent information, but at the end of the day, it was better her than one of the guys. Someone was going to drag it out of him eventually and Levi was doing the best he could now, mitigating the damage. 

“ _Hanji_. Erwin’s engaged to Hanji?” Petra’s eyebrows went all the way up. 

“You know who that is?” Levi felt like he could die, but curiosity for the moment, couched by the dregs of Chardonnay, kept him going. 

Petra chewed her words, like she was considering them very delicately, as if Levi was some sort of bomb, “I don’t work directly with her. My nerves don’t let me go anywhere in the ER, but sometimes she’s got patients who go in for MRIs or extra tests and things and. Hanji?” 

Levi shrugged, “Who the fuck knows anymore.” 

 

“So,” Auruo was talking with his mouth full. “We’ll never get to meet the prostitute? My life is so empty.” 

Levi wanted to stab the guy with a fork, repeatedly. He never understood what Petra saw in the kid, very briefly, Levi entertained the notion that Auruo had a nice dick but then gagged. “He is _not_ \--” 

“Actually,” Erd reached to help himself to some more thin-sliced potatoes made crispy by too much butter. Petra’s cooking, as good as it was, was single-handedly going to keep the health industry in business. “You pay him, he fucks you or whatever and you can date other people if you want. I imagine it’s, I don’t know, freeing?” 

Levi wasn’t quite sure how the topic of his thrilling, not to mention absolute lack of a love life became dinner conversation, but it had, and he was sure that he wasn’t happy about it. He knew it, that it’d been a bad idea to let Petra in on it because now she was just shrugging and giving him a look across the table like, ‘oops, didn’t mean to but anyway.’ She was, for as long as Levi could remember, always after him to share more about himself. Petra didn’t seem to believe that Levi’s trepidations about dating came from the absurd absence of quality in the dating pool rather than any problems innate to Levi, like his trust issues and his cynicism. He also had those, but he thought that one could solve the other and not in the way that Petra thought. She got it the wrong way around. 

“Here,” Petra reached to tip the rest of the Shiraz into Levi’s glass. It went well with the pork loins they were having (which they were only having because apparently the butcher didn’t have rabbit). “Drink.” 

 

Levi had found a cigarette in one of those “secret” compartments in Erd’s suitcase and used it to treat himself to a smoke break the next day between cases. He had one of those soul-sucking jobs that included both reading too much paperwork and talking to people about banking regulation. Levi didn’t set out to be a financier. (Which was, an unhelpful part of his brain told him, just one syllable away from “fiancée.”)  
He never really even considered doing it for the money; he’d just found something calming about staring at numbers all day and all of the networking involved smacked him like a nasty surprise. 

Anyway, Levi was used to it now. 

His phone rang and Levi picked up without looking at the number, “Levi speaking.” 

“It’s Erwin,” said a person who certainly sounded like Erwin over at the other end. But then, it wasn’t a Thursday, and Levi seemed to remember when he’d first found Erwin’s agency through scouring the dark recesses of the Internet, that the paperwork that they’d sent him had included a ticky box for “okay to be contacted directly.” He couldn’t remember if he’d ticked it, but he must have. “...Hello?” 

Levi cleared his throat and nearly swallowed his cigarette, “...Hi. I mean, hello. I’m here.” 

“Now a bad time?” Erwin asked, “I can call you back.” 

Levi glanced down at the end of his cigarette, “Is it going to take longer than ten minutes?” 

“It can take ten seconds if you’d like,” Erwin said and then caught himself. “I didn’t mean to make that sound dirty.” 

Levi swallowed, “You know I don’t mind.” 

“I know,” Erwin said, maybe a touch smugly. “Happy Friday. What are you doing this weekend? Tomorrow.” 

“I um,” the sensible part of Levi wanted to tell Erwin he’d call him back after he’d checked his calendar. “I don’t know. Probably nothing. Why? Do you need to reschedule?” 

“No, no. Nothing like that,” There was some vague movement on Erwin’s end and Levi wondered where the man was now. If he was fitting Levi in between things because of _course_ Erwin felt sorry for him, or if -- “Do you want to grab a drink? I’ll bring Farlan.” 

“This is for the,” Levi had to take a moment, “the handover. Right. I remember.” The name Farlan was vaguely traumatizing and he tried his best to remember. 

“The handover,” said Erwin. “I like that, that sounds so professional.” 

“Please stop,” Levi said. “I have to go back to work. But fine, sure, I can go for a drink. Text me a time?” 

“You got it, boss. Pick somewhere nice? We’d want you to be comfortable.” 

After that, Erwin hung up. Levi decided after pocketing his phone that, if he bought a pack of smokes from the shop across the way, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.


	4. Chapter 4

“ -- Really?” 

Levi sighed, “...Is it really so terrible that I’d like your input?” 

Erd had clearly raided the communal cupboard in the last ten minutes, because he was crunching on a bag of potato chips that was meant for at least three or four people. He was also chewing with his mouth open while watching a kid’s cartoon. Something with mystical creatures and what was looking like a crew of eight-year-olds with floppy large hats. Erd made his living in content marketing and apparently his job was to contact potential advertisers for certain programs and to make sure everything fit together. So Erd watching children’s cartoons was, effectively, not only a manifestation of his depression but also work. It seemed unfair, somehow. 

“It’s not terrible,” Erd hedged. “Just...weird? You must know hopping places in town.” 

“Yes. That I go with work,” said Levi. He didn’t particularly enjoy it, but it was something to do, though he avoided karaoke nights like the plague. He had a sixth sense “I might as well go jump off a fucking bridge.”

“Is it so bad that people from work see you on a date? It’s not like you’re out with an ogre.” 

“I can see why your wife left you,” Levi said. He didn’t mean it, but then, maybe he did, halfway. 

“It’s a lot more nuanced than that,” Erd said, giving him a look. “And. We’re not talking about me, are we? You’re different from me.” 

Levi rolled his eyes. There was something to be said about Erd couch-surfing in his mid-thirties, but maybe that was a conversation best left to another day. “It’s not even a date. It’s more like uh, a handover or a referral.” 

“Okay, I guess you get points for putting that in the least sexy possible way,” Erd sighed. “So...what’s the new guy like then?” 

“I have no idea,” Levi said. Erwin had offered to send him a picture, but Levi had told him not to, and for the most part, he’d also resisted searching Farlan on the website. He had no idea where all this very adult self-control came from, but he wasn’t going to think too much about it. 

Now Erd turned away from the television, “You. The pickiest person world, didn’t ask for a picture. I’d go with prickly, but I don’t want you to evict me.” 

“I just like to be -- clean,” Levi caught himself before he came out with something more embarrassing or worse, untoward. “It has nothing to do with being picky.” There was also the fact that it wasn’t like he and Erwin hadn’t become friends in the some three years that they’d known each other. Or maybe not _friends_ , in the traditional sense of the word, in that they didn’t really hang out all that much except to eat takeout after sex, or bowling, twice. But maybe the least Levi could expect of Erwin was for the guy to know his preferences. Chalk it all up to professional courtesy (also distinctly unsexy) and call it a day. 

“Right,” Erd said. “You know, isn’t there a saying about drowning in your own denial?”

“I’m pretty sure there isn’t. And I’m not.” 

“Maybe I’ll become a guru; there should be a saying you know? That was pretty on point.” Erd reached for more chips.

“You have a job. You’re just sadly single and not adjusting well.” 

“That wasn’t judgmental at all. You --” Erd cut himself off and sighed, “Okay. Take them to the Lady Lucks’ Bar off of Fifth and Rose.” Catching Levi’s unhappy look, Erd rolled his eyes, “Dude, I’m not suicidal. It’s not a titty bar, I promise.” 

 

Levi’s text to Erwin suggesting that they meet at Lady Lucks’ Bar off of Fifth and Rose was met with surprisingly positive reception and Erwin passed on a message that not only Farlan did think Levi had great taste, Farlan was also looking forward to meeting him. The compliment did not soothe Levi’s anxiety really, but he went armed with it anyway to the bar, a surprisingly charming redbrick with a second floor wood decking that shouted “look at how hipster I fucking am” at full volume. The menu boasted mid-range cocktails and craft beers and bar bait with a “noveau modern twist” which, as far as Levi could tell, meant that everything was encrusted with panko bread crumbs. 

“Yeah, the food’s a bit hit and miss,” said a voice behind him that wasn’t Erwin’s. “But the beer’s usually pretty on point. I come here a lot.” 

Levi turned around to spot a tall man wearing a sweatshirt with a local university logo and darkwash jeans. He was wearing heavy boots, and Farlan’s hair, unlike Erwin’s, was blondish red copper. It took some doing, but Levi thought he could just about see himself pulling Farlan’s hair during --

Levi shook himself, “Farlan, right? Where’s Erwin?” Every second without Erwin meant that Levi was one second closer to bolting from this meeting entirely, but then he had disliked it when Erwin pointed out he was shy. He wasn’t! Levi just didn’t really like people -- it was almost fair to say that he disliked people enough to hate most of the population -- but for whatever reason that didn’t include Erwin. 

But it might. Soon.

“Erwin’s upstairs,” Farlan pointed his chin towards the winding stairs off one corner of the bar. “Sorry, it’s my fault. I made him sit outside on the decking -- I smoke. You don’t mind, do you?” Farlan smiled. It was the sort of smile that Levi almost liked; that sort of self-deprecating “I’m hot stuff but I gotta be polite” kind of way that he should really hate more but also didn’t. Self-deprecation was usually friends with anxiety so maybe he was okay. He was okay. He was _fine_ , amazing, even. 

Levi said, “I don’t mind. You’ll have to let me bum one.” 

“Deal,” Farlan nodded. “Though -- Erwin didn’t mention you smoked.” 

Levi then tried to imagine what it looked like that Erwin and Farlan were friends. Did they hang outside of work? Probably, although this counted as work most likely, “There’s a lot of things Erwin doesn’t know about me. Including the smoking thing -- I’ve kind of quit but I also kind of haven’t.” 

“Got it,” Farlan nodded. “Our secret.” 

Levi’s stomach did a thing. A thing that seemed to point towards the direction of the men’s room, but didn’t, in the end. Maybe this was good, “...Do you want a drink or anything?” 

“I’ll take a Coke,” said Farlan. 

“We’re at a bar,” Levi reminded him before he could really think it through. “And you just said the beer wasn’t bad.” 

Farlan shrugged, “So I did. But Erwin isn’t drinking upstairs and I don’t want him to judge me.” 

Levi looked Farlan up and down. Not, he told himself, in a judgmental way. “I don’t think Erwin’s in a position to judge anyone. He’s the one running off to get married.”

“Thank you,” Farlan grinned at Levi; this time, it was a friendly smile that bordered on too friendly. “I’ve thought that, like what. Are you having a beer?” 

“I am,” Levi peered at the taps. “Or maybe I’ll have a double vodka. Yeah, I will have a double vodka. With Coke. Fuck it.” 

 

Erwin was sitting at a corner table along the edge of the decking, and Levi couldn’t really distinguish his usual Erwin-related heart palpitations with his relatively new Farlan-related heart problems, although those weren’t so much palpitations as much as generalized anxiety because this was so much worse than filling out out all his deepest darkest secrets on the Internet. 

“Hi,” Erwin said. 

“Hi,” Levi nodded back as he took a seat. Erwin didn’t stand up and greet him or anything, so that was one piece of awkward out of the way. Erwin wasn’t an awkward person. Levi was sure the guy never worried about this type of thing. 

“You’re drinking,” Erwin turned his attention to Farlan’s pint. In the end, the guy had opted for a Saison, which Farlan had even pronounced properly (while the barman had pulled him the pint looking very impressed indeed, Farlan privately whispered to Levi that he’d spent his summers in Paris polishing antiques for a distant uncle. Levi then wondered if Erwin had ever been to Europe. Probably. It was strange, how Levi had never thought to ask. 

“...Told you he’d judge me,” Farlan’s elbow left a warm spot under Levi’s ribs.

“Why are you judging him?” Levi asked. 

“I’m not judging,” said Erwin, lifting a perfectly muscular shoulder. “It’s just I think you should set healthy boundaries with a client.”

“We go bowling,” Levi reminded him. _And you kiss me sometimes_ , was something that nearly slipped out of his mouth, had he not distracted himself with a sip of his double vodka. 

“That is cute and doesn’t sound like healthy boundaries to me,” Farlan commented. He shook out a cigarette from a packet and gave Levi a telling look. 

“I made him have a drink with me,” Levi said, “The client wins.” He wasn’t sure if that helped or didn’t. 

“Only most of the time,” said Erwin, taking a drink from his Coke from an actual bottle. The whole gesture felt reproachful. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means,” Farlan held a cigarette in his mouth and then lit it. Despite his preoccupation, he still managed to look interested and engaged. It was probably an industry secret (inasmuch that the world of male escortship was an industry). “It means that you’re Erwin’s favorite and he might be finally coming to terms with his separation anxiety.” 

“Now, that’s funny,” said Erwin. 

“I’m your favorite?” 

“I,” Erwin looked like he was searching for a way to deny it but then he just shrugged again. “Yes?” 

Against his better judgement and very much under the influence of his double vodka, Levi pressed the issue. His drink had gone from full to half full in a record amount of time and he was going to work fast if -- “How many clients do you even -- actually, are you allowed to tell me?” 

“I can ballpark it for you,” said Erwin. “But it does change week on week, you know how it is.” 

“I can live with a ballpark,” said Levi, who really couldn’t. But also could, because the fact that he couldn’t was patently silly. 

“About -- say, fifteen a week?” 

“That’s…” 

“A lot, right?” Farlan said. “I’m only getting about five of them, but then the whole agency might even tank.” 

“Don’t be melodramatic,” Erwin said. “The agency is going to fine. The two of you, are going to be fine. I’m going to get another Coke. Want anything?” 

Levi drank more vodka. 

 

“Want a cigarette?” Farlan said. 

“I shouldn’t,” Levi said, but he was almost out of vodka. Maybe Erwin noticed and would return with a drink for him without his asking, but then maybe not. 

“Let’s be straight for a minute, okay?” For the moment, Farlan appeared to have abandoned the idea of badgering Levi to have a cigarette but then the man’s gaze on him suddenly turned intense and the way that Farlan was sucking on his cigarette made Levi’s mouth dry. “You can be honest. You’re into him, right?” 

“Of course I’m into him,” said Levi. Then, worried that that sounded too specific and weird, he added. “He’s got my credit card, or I mean, the agency does. I can be into you too, don’t get me wrong.” 

Farlan took his cigarette out of mouth and held it dangerously close to Levi, “Here. Suck. It’s not going to kill you, at least, not right away.” 

“I --” 

“Just do it.” 

Levi did, but he kept one eye on the entrance of the stairwell. Farlan smoked a good brand. Maybe that was why he was here. He was having sex with people for money because he needed to pay for his too-expensive cigarettes, especially if the best thing he could come up with to wear to a -- actually Levi was not quite sure what this constituted as, but for his sanity he was going to call it a professional date -- was a university sweatshirt. It was a sweatshirt from one of the better universities in the city so maybe Farlan was making a point. 

“...Let me guess: you’re working your way through school?” Levi said. 

“Oh, God no, that’s so. I’m halfway through a postdoc. But our funding took a hit, so this is kind of...halfway related to my research and it gets me dough.” Farlan plucked the cigarette away from Levi again.

“Uh,” said Levi. He wasn’t if he liked Farlan more or less. He might have told Erwin once that he wished more people thought intellect was sexy, but it’d been a weird moment of weakness, to be followed by more moments since. He hadn’t been sure whether Erwin had been listening. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t record anything,” said Farlan. “It’s all like, deep background stuff. But I don’t want to spring this on you, so you might as well know. But you know, you can be honest with me. I don’t mind. There’s like movies for this sort of thing. Most of them are kind of shit, but it happens, probably for a lot of reasons. And yours will be a good one.” 

“I guess I,” Levi started. Somehow, this wasn’t like around the dinner table where apparently no one had any semblance of a social life so Erwin just turned up all the time in conversation for everyone’s amusement. The prospect of this difference made Levi profoundly uncomfortable, but he had no idea how to put it into words.

“Got you another double vodka,” said Erwin, sliding a fresh drink in front of Levi before he sat down again. “...You _are_ drinking a double, right?”


End file.
